Hooray for Captain Spaulding

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Thursday, December 25, 2003

Combustible Boy (a.k.a. "The Blazing Blogger") is shocked to learn of the dark side of Harold von Braunhut, the guy who invented up "Sea Monkeys" and "X-Ray Specs" in his obituary, specifically van Braunhart's memebership in the Klu Klux Klan and the Aryan Nation. I can understand how Combustible Boy feels. Who'd think that a man who ripped off children for a living would have a dark side?

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Wednesday, December 17, 2003

If you're not terribly busy on Saturday and live in the LA area, I'll be performing at the Comedy Hideout show (address, etc. here) at 9:00 PM. My normal stand-up routine is being pre-empted by "The Daniel Frank Christmas Special" so you might want to check it out.

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Sunday, December 14, 2003

Also on the Promenade was a gentleman playing Christmas carols on a trombone. I was tempted to give him a buck to "play me out with a wah-wah-wah-waaaaaah" but resisted the temptation.

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On Friday, June Lockhart shanghaied me into buying a T-shirt.

I was walking along the 3rd Street Promenade, shopping for toys for underpriveleged youths, and I see a folding table with T-shirts piled on it. It takes me a few seconds to realize that I also saw a sign that said

June Lockhart


Lost in Space

and that the woman sitting at the table was a well-preserved June Lockhart. She saw me double-taking and waved.

Apparently the Santa Monica Mounted Police Brigade can't afford to keep their horsies next year and she was selling shirts which she would autograph to raise money for them. While such a cause is not in my top fifty worthy causes I'd donate to, who can be heartless enought to say no to America's Mom...in Space?

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Saddam Hussein, in this Time article about his interrogation, provides a great excuse for anyone wanting to get out of housework:
When asked "How are you?" said the official, Saddam responded, "I am sad because my people are in bondage." When offered a glass of water by his interrogators, Saddam replied, "If I drink water I will have to go to the bathroom and how can I use the bathroom when my people are in bondage?"
PERSON 1: Could you wash the dishes?
PERSON 2: If I wash the dishes I will have to go to the kitchen and how can I use the kitchen when my people are in bondage?

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Friday, December 05, 2003

What if Jack Chick worshipped Cthulhu? It might go a little something like this. (Thanks to Reason).

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Mark Evanier has been talking about Castle Films, the pre-VCR way of owning films back in the day. I point to this article in particular to say that the Castle cover for Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman shows more action than is in the entire film.

Another gallery of 8mm films includes this one for Jerry on the Job which Lileks fans will probably recognize. No indication if the film includes Violently Ordinary Rejoinders.

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Peter David's goof on the expression "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" reminds me English teacher I had in the ninth-grade who insisted that the phrase originated from the Illiad and the Trojan horse. I piped up with the real origin. The teacher looked at me like I was nuts. I took a different tack, pointing out that clearly the Trojans should have looked their gift horse in the mouth as it was filled with enemy soldiers. Again nothing. When the question came up on a test, I regurgitated the expected answer. Independent thought, shmindependent thought.

This is the same teacher who gave a True/False question for Romeo and Juliet of "Juliet stabbed herself with her sword." The answer was, <sarcasm> of course</sarcasm>, false since she stabbed herself with a dagger. It's teachers like her which explain why kids don't care for reading.

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I don't have as much to talk about of my second leg of my cross-country trip as the Visitor Centers of New Mexico and Arizona were closed.
  1. I did see The Thing?, a roadside attraction with billboards stretching as far away as New Mexico. It is as crappy as one would expect. They are smart enough to charge only a buck admission so you don't feel too ripped off and might be willing to buy the polished stones and rattlesnake belts sold there.
  2. This Phoenix New Times article gives the history of The Thing? and debunks the Rolls Royce Hitler owned on display there. SPOILER WARNING: The article does provide a picture of The Thing?.
  3. If you want to make somebody a Republican, have him drive the I-10 from East Texas through New Mexico. Then point out that if the Democrats had retained control of Congress in 1994, the national speed limit of 65 MPH would still be under effect.
  4. I have a theory of why California highways don't have mile markers or numbered freeway exits like the rest of the nation: Mile markers would remind people how little progress they're making due to the traffic just stopping for no discernable reason. Said people would in outrage then demand a total restructuring of the highway department.

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Thursday, December 04, 2003

If The Hebrew Hammer (discussed here) is not playing at a theater near you on December 19th, you can catch it on Comedy Central this Monday (Press release here).

UPDATE: And again on Tuesday and again on Sunday the 14th

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