Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:49 PM

Mark Evanier sez:

They cut Hillary Swank off in mid-acceptance speech but seemed to let Jamie Foxx go on as long as he wanted. I think the rule should be that you get 60 seconds unless you mention your agent, manager or lawyer, in which case you get 20.

I think that was the logic used in the Swank/Foxx cases. Swank was doing a laundry list of agents and what-not; Foxx was paying tribute to his dead grandmother.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:55 PM

Three-hours-and-ten-minutes. That has to be arecord. I suspect the dopey "awards-in-the-audience" will get the credit rather than keeping the film montages and dance numbers to a minimum.

Defamer live-blogs:"America has survived his filthy, envelope-pushing, expletive-laden emceeing onslaught."
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:42 PM

Well, it's official. Prepare for half-a-dozen euthenasia boxing movies.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:39 PM

"These films add luster to the entire film community but would have been better if they had featured a cat flushing a dog down a toilet."
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:19 PM

Ya know, Charlie Kaufman has been writing creative movies that couldn't get made for years. I think he's entitled to more than 30 damn seconds.

I wish he had thanked his brother though.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:04 PM

"Jude Law is one of our finest actors and we'll keep putting him in movies until you recognize that."
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 7:54 PM

I wonder if the decision only to show headshots of writers and directors and not clips of their films was inspired by the inclusion of Russ Meyer.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:19 PM

When a Best Picture nominee wins minor awards like The Aviator has been, that means it's gonna win best Picture. Except when it doesn't.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:14 PM

Technical awards introed from the balcony?!?!?! This ceremony is totally in my face!

UPDATE: They actually let the techies leave the kiddie table and show up.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:00 PM

Were I in the audience now I would be standing up saying "Come on! Sidney Poitier! To her house! Idiots!!!"
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 5:55 PM

OK. I'm undecided if Williams doing the "[cartoon character] is gay" bit is better or worse unsung. And didn't he do the tape thing last year?

UPDATE: Now he's doing celebrities playing cartoon characters. Cutting edge stuff!

UPDATE 2: A Jack Nicholson impression?!?! [Taps watch] Is it 1983 again?
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 5:51 PM

Easy Reader gets the Oscar!!!

UPDATE: There's a movie or something to be made about Morgan Freeman, one of our most talented actors who could not get work for years since basically a black dramatic actor wasn't getting work unless his name wasSidney Poitier.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 5:48 PM

I thoguht the alleged point of having the lesser categories line up on stage was to give them more screen time. Collectively Art Direction folk got two seconds, I think.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 5:45 PM

My next two spec scripts: Lanudromat and Check Cashing Place.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 5:34 PM

Nothing more awkward than trying to figure whether or not there's a standing ovation.

"Are we standing? We're not standing. Oh, we are standing. No, we're not standing."
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 5:28 PM

I've had a running gag with a friend where I call him claiming to be Chris Rock needing help with movie jokes. It's taking all my self-control not to call him now..."I'm on in two minutes. I got nothing!!!"
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:25 PM

Roger Ebert just said to Mike Meyers, "It's my happening and it freaks me out."

Frog-dissecting time: This Austin Powers catchphrase was swiped/homaged from the Ebert-scripted Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:13 PM

Judging from the TV listings, my Oscar prediction of last year didn't come true.

UPDATE: Well, we're at least spared him running around the theater acting silly.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:35 PM

Via Mark Evanier, ABC forces Robin Williams to drop a song listing the sins of cartoon characters (article here). I'm not a fan of the censorship impulses from either the right (sex stuff) or the left (insensitive to disabled and Native Americans) behind this move. However if those impulses mean I don't have to listen to a song that's basically the hack comedy premise of "Are you seriously telling me that [cartoon character] isn't on drugs/gay/[dirty word for "having sex with"] [other cartoon character]?" or that I don't have to hear Robin Williams do a "a fabulous, lisping character", then maybe censorship isn't such a bad thing.

Evanier's article linked above contains insights into ABC's Standards and Practices's Susan Futterman, including that she was responsible for ABC cutting Looney Tunes even worse than CBS did (I recollect they cut the Sheriff of Nottingham hitting himself on the head with a hammer).

Also, if anyone cares, the premise of the song was faulty since Rev. Dobson never said Spongebob was gay.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:54 AM

Danger Mouse is coming to DVD. Can I get a "Penfold...shush"?
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 7:49 AM

LA Weekly columnist Nikki Finke, who'd complain about the conservative bias of a cereal box ingredients list, writes her predictions of what Chris Rock will do at the Oscars. As you read it, remember that two years ago she predicted that there would be a mass walkout during the gathering of living Oscar-winners to protest the war in Iraq. Regarding her prediction of a post-Oscar conservative attack of Chris Rock and cutting anti-Bush material, my prediction is that Oscar producer Gil Cates will get less complaints from conservative groups than he will from publicists, managers and agents telling him that their client has never been so insulted in all his life and if you think he's going to sit for seven hours to be treated in such a horrible manner, well, pal, you've got another think coming.

John Swansburg in Slate notes that a lot of Rock's comedy is fairly conservative (including the abortion bit Drudge tried to make controversial) and is good at seeming reckless without actually being reckless.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:04 PM

Readers may recall my post complaining of the poor quality of the Sesame Street beanie dolls. Well, good news is afoot as Palisades, the company that did a good job with Muppet action figures, has the Sesame Street action figure license. This site reports that first series will be Oscar, Ernie, Guy Smiley(!!!), and the Two-Headed Monster; second series will be Bert, the Count, the Yip Yip Martians, and ROOSEVELT MOTHER&^E&#ING FRANKLIN, the banned Muppet (possibly because of the middle name). Pictures of the first series can be found here and they look spectacular. I'm sure some fan will quibble about the number of beard-hairs on the Two-Headed Monster but basically these all look like the Muppets in question. I've never been so tempted to get in on the ground floor of a figure collection.

This page has pictures of the convention-exclusive Super Grover which includes Alex Ross artwork (Now I have to go to Wizard LA, grumble). One problem collectors may have is that apparently Cookie Monster is eating the boxes ruining their mint condition.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:24 PM

Jim Hill reports a rumor from a Disney insider that Song of the South will be released on DVD. The strategy to avoid complaints of racism is two-pronged:

Prong One - Hire a beloved African-American figure to host the DVD and explain the context of its time. Bill Cosby was considered but recent events have removed him from the top of the list. (If they hire Whoopi Goldberg, I will not buy the DVD on general principle.)

I'll let Hill's source explain Prong Two:

This movie isn't nearly as good as people seem to remember it being. Sure, the animated sequences are charming. But the pace of the rest of the picture is so damned pokey.

Which is why I seriously doubt that we'll get all that many letters about "Song of the South" 's racial content. The way I figure it, most kids & adults will be nodding off 30 minutes into the thing. And people who are sleeping can't write letters of complaint.

# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:34 AM

Speaking of made-up numbers credulously reported by the media, if you're one of the one billion people watching the Oscars Sunday, I'll be doing my usual Oscar live-blogging.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:20 AM

An articlein the LA Times questions the claim that Deep Throat grossed $600 million.

We're talking about a movie that was released in 1972, banned in half the country and generally exhibited in one theater at a time even in the biggest cities, such as New York and Los Angeles.

Inside Deep Throat, the documentary that's been bandying that figure recently, is good when discussing the film and less interesting when trying to tie it into the times (some montages are very "Al Capone dancing the Charleston on top of a flagpole"). The movie ends with the same "Oh, the tragedy that porn is less about the art" theme of Boogie Nights. Yes, what a shame that one can watch pornography that doesn't have a wacky doctor character.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:27 PM

Springfield is for Gay Lovers of Marriage.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:39 PM

In the worst case of religious discrimination in the schools since Principal Skinner accused the Weinstein boy of making up Yom Kippur, a National Merit Scholar is suspended from high school for celebrating, albeit belatedly, National Gorilla Suit Day.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:45 PM

Another reason to stay with DirecTV: Comcast DVR doesn't let viewers fast-forward 24 or American Idol (story here). Comcast denies shenanigans but the problem suggests that they have a "turn-off-FF" feature for some programs.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:25 PM

Via Hit and Run, Teller (of "Penn and" fame) reviews a book on the subject of the Indian Rope Trick* hoax. And by hoax, I don't mean "the performers used trickery to perform the feat." I mean, "the feat has never been performed."

*The trick where the fakir gets a rope to unravel upward and then a kid climbs the rope, as seen in almost every comedy set in India or thereabouts.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 2:47 AM

Via Mark Evanier, a site which answers the musical question: Do I Need a Jacket? If my mother were in charge of that site, the answer would always be "Yes."
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:05 AM

Larry David was reportedly offered a role in Spider-man 3. My prediction is that this role will involve yelling.

UPDATE: In the comments, Jim Treacher suggests that Larry David could play the Vulture. Gee, what would that be like?

So I'm robbing the bank and then Spider-Man drops in. Now it's not bad enough that he's hitting me and shooting his webs at me but he's also cracking wise. He's making fun of me. Do I deserve that? I mean, come on, I invented a flying suit. I think I've earned a little respect. Leonardo da Vinci is supposed to be such a genius but he failed at making a flying suit. I succeeded. So I'm better than da Vinci! OK, I'm not better than da Vinci in all ways. When it comes to painting the Mona Lisa, he's better than me. But when it comes to inventing flying suits, I'm better than da Vinci!

# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:19 AM

Inspired by a really terrible picture on this page which seems to show an Ice Breaker with several guys (assumably the polar opposite of what one wants from the Ice Breaker service), I'm modifying my movie pitch. Stiller hires the Ice Breakers. At the outing, the Ice Breakers hook up with a couple of guys and leave Stiller in the lurch. Outraged, Stiller goes to the Ice Breakers office the next day to yell at the owner, our female protagonist (who right now, I'm thinking, will be Eva Mendes). Although she doesn't go on outings anymore, Mendes offers to personally take Stiller on an outing instead of a refund.

As I indicated in comments below, prior to hiring the Ice Breakers, the first act will consist of Stiller's various failed attempts to meet women. This will include buying a dog which gives him someone to express feelings to later in the picture. Should I make him divorced/widowed to explain why this is an issue for him now? Undecided. Also undecided as to whether Mendes's wisecracking friend/co-worker should go on the outing.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:12 AM

A post on Pop Culture Gadabout about From Soup to Nuts (a movie starring Ted Healy and his Stooges, an act very different from the Three Stooges since Ted Healy is the boss of his Stooges and the Three Stooges don't have a boss) lead to the question of Billy Barty's appearance in a Marx Brothers movie. My recollection is that there were production stills of Harpo with Barty in Monkey Business but the scene itself was cut. This Q&A with Les Marsden, an expert on the brothers Marx, confirms this:

One of the scenes that I've always been dying to know about is the one in which (during the onboard chase sequence) Harpo appears dressed as a nurse with Billy Barty. There are production shots of the scene, but it, also was cut before the general release. Many years ago I met Billy Barty, and finally thought I'd get to the bottom of it. I asked what happened in the scene and he told me that it was a big deal for him as a kid (believe it or not, he was about 20 years old at the time - most biographical sources list his birth year at circa 1910) because he was a big Marx Brothers fan, as were all his friends back home (wherever THAT was.) He told all his friends that he was in the new Marx Brothers picture and everybody was excited. When the movie came out Barty went to see it and was disappointed to see that he'd been excised. His friends wouldn't believe that he had actually been in a Marx Brothers movie and wouldn't speak to him. I then asked him, 'okay, but now for the really big question that I've wanted an answer to for a long time: what happened IN the scene?' He said, 'that was sixty years ago! Damned if I can remember!'

# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:01 AM

After comments on the post below, I took a look at the Ice Breakers site and it's terrible. Even assuming they didn't have a lot of capital, couldn't they have offered a few outings to some graphic designer in exchange for a decent web site?

Interestingly the site was created and registered at godaddy.com of banned Super Bowl commerical fame.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:13 PM

In today's LA Times Calendar section, next to an article of how to meet that special someone in LA (apparently supermarkets are popular with singles), is this article on Ice Breakers. The concept is that for seventy-five bucks per hour, a fella is provided with two attractive women ("wing girls") who introduce you to other women at the pick-up spot of your choice, the theory being that your presence with two attractive women makes you more desirable to other women.

I see Ben Stiller as the guy, Kate Hudson or Christine Taylor as an "Ice Breaker", Leah Remini as the wise-cracking other Ice Breaker, and Amanda Peet as the wrong woman that gets fixed up with Stiller. There'll be a montage of wacky women that get introduced to Stiller. And of course someone will be saying that falling in love wasn't part of the deal (a question that is not covered in their FAQ).
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:21 AM

From the "Grandpa's wearing his Nehru jacket again" department comes this article on planned format changes to the Oscars. It will apparently have a funky fresh, edgy attitude that'll be in our face. And to prove it, the producer compares one of the bits to the Ed Sullivan Show.
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:19 PM

Matthew Lesko has a blog. And the government gave him FREE MONEY to do it!!!!!1!
# | |

Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:15 PM

The Carson-Aristocrats connection. Also lowculture reveals the punchline to the Aristocrats.
# | |