Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:25 PM

2003 "Year in Review Lists" in Review
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:38 AM

Combustible Boy (a.k.a. "The Blazing Blogger") is shocked to learn of the dark side of Harold von Braunhut, the guy who invented up "Sea Monkeys" and "X-Ray Specs" in his obituary, specifically van Braunhart's memebership in the Klu Klux Klan and the Aryan Nation. I can understand how Combustible Boy feels. Who'd think that a man who ripped off children for a living would have a dark side?
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:33 AM

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:57 PM

If you're not terribly busy on Saturday and live in the LA area, I'll be performing at the Comedy Hideout show (address, etc. here) at 9:00 PM. My normal stand-up routine is being pre-empted by "The Daniel Frank Christmas Special" so you might want to check it out.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:15 PM

Also on the Promenade was a gentleman playing Christmas carols on a trombone. I was tempted to give him a buck to "play me out with a wah-wah-wah-waaaaaah" but resisted the temptation.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 7:51 PM

On Friday, June Lockhart shanghaied me into buying a T-shirt.

I was walking along the 3rd Street Promenade, shopping for toys for underpriveleged youths, and I see a folding table with T-shirts piled on it. It takes me a few seconds to realize that I also saw a sign that said

June Lockhart

Lassie

Lost in Space

and that the woman sitting at the table was a well-preserved June Lockhart. She saw me double-taking and waved.

Apparently the Santa Monica Mounted Police Brigade can't afford to keep their horsies next year and she was selling shirts which she would autograph to raise money for them. While such a cause is not in my top fifty worthy causes I'd donate to, who can be heartless enought to say no to America's Mom...in Space?
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 7:34 PM

Saddam Hussein, in this Time article about his interrogation, provides a great excuse for anyone wanting to get out of housework:

When asked "How are you?" said the official, Saddam responded, "I am sad because my people are in bondage." When offered a glass of water by his interrogators, Saddam replied, "If I drink water I will have to go to the bathroom and how can I use the bathroom when my people are in bondage?"

PERSON 1: Could you wash the dishes?
PERSON 2: If I wash the dishes I will have to go to the kitchen and how can I use the kitchen when my people are in bondage?
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:37 PM

What if Jack Chick worshipped Cthulhu? It might go a little something like this. (Thanks to Reason).
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:23 PM

Mark Evanier has been talking about Castle Films, the pre-VCR way of owning films back in the day. I point to this article in particular to say that the Castle cover for Frankenstein Meets the Wolfman shows more action than is in the entire film.

Another gallery of 8mm films includes this one for Jerry on the Job which Lileks fans will probably recognize. No indication if the film includes Violently Ordinary Rejoinders.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:09 PM

Peter David's goof on the expression "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" reminds me English teacher I had in the ninth-grade who insisted that the phrase originated from the Illiad and the Trojan horse. I piped up with the real origin. The teacher looked at me like I was nuts. I took a different tack, pointing out that clearly the Trojans should have looked their gift horse in the mouth as it was filled with enemy soldiers. Again nothing. When the question came up on a test, I regurgitated the expected answer. Independent thought, shmindependent thought.

This is the same teacher who gave a True/False question for Romeo and Juliet of "Juliet stabbed herself with her sword." The answer was, <sarcasm> of course</sarcasm>, false since she stabbed herself with a dagger. It's teachers like her which explain why kids don't care for reading.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:53 PM

I don't have as much to talk about of my second leg of my cross-country trip as the Visitor Centers of New Mexico and Arizona were closed.

1. I did see The Thing?, a roadside attraction with billboards stretching as far away as New Mexico. It is as crappy as one would expect. They are smart enough to charge only a buck admission so you don't feel too ripped off and might be willing to buy the polished stones and rattlesnake belts sold there.
2. This Phoenix New Times article gives the history of The Thing? and debunks the Rolls Royce Hitler owned on display there. SPOILER WARNING: The article does provide a picture of The Thing?.
3. If you want to make somebody a Republican, have him drive the I-10 from East Texas through New Mexico. Then point out that if the Democrats had retained control of Congress in 1994, the national speed limit of 65 MPH would still be under effect.
4. I have a theory of why California highways don't have mile markers or numbered freeway exits like the rest of the nation: Mile markers would remind people how little progress they're making due to the traffic just stopping for no discernable reason. Said people would in outrage then demand a total restructuring of the highway department.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:13 PM

If The Hebrew Hammer (discussed here) is not playing at a theater near you on December 19th, you can catch it on Comedy Central this Monday (Press release here).

UPDATE: And again on Tuesday and again on Sunday the 14th
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:03 PM

Why does the spell-check feature of Blogger not include "blogging" and "blog"?
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:01 PM

I apologize for the sparse blogging. I purchased an automobile (a 2001 Toyota Prius) off my brother. The problem is the car's in Washington DC and I live in Los Angeles. So I'm driving the car cross-country with a stop in Houston for a couple of days to do Thanksgiving with the folks.

The first issue was selling the old car. I was unsure how exactly I would do that. Fortunately, Lincoln Boulevard, a street near where I live, is apparently the "$$$$$ CA$H FOR YOUR CAR!!!!! $$$$$" capitol of Los Angeles, if not the world.

Some observations on the road (DISCLAIMER:Working under the "making good time" theory of cross-country driving, I did not actually visit any wacky locations I might list but I do have the pamphlets):

1. About every three miles on a Mississippi highway, there is a sign that says "DO NOT DRIVE ON THE MEDIAN". A less charitable man than myself would suggest that Mississippians are such dopes that there would be an epidemic of median driving if not for the signs. I suspect that a seven-year-old child got hit by a car while playing on the median. And so Timmy's Law was passed which constructed these signs.
2. Under the "nature abhors a vacuum" category, White Castle had not expanded to the Southeast and so the market demand there for tiny, square hamburgers remained unmet. And lo, Krystal was born! The fact that I saw one every other highway stop in Tennessee indicates that White Castle could have made a fortune there.
3. What impressed me about the pamphlet for Trinity Music City USA was that the pamphlet featured a picture of Jesus wearing a proper tallis.
4. Had it not been late at night when I obtained its pamphlet from the Tennessee Welcoming Center, I perhaps would have visited the Museum of Salt and Pepper Shakers.
5. From now on when I start to curse the fates for my marginal show-biz career, I can thank the stars that I've not been desperate enough to send my resume to the Comedy Barn. I am happy that my tastes are not so far off the mainstream; I say this because the two things that caught my attention in the pamphlet, a guy holding a pig and a guy in a dress, are prominently featured in the top of the frame of the site. A good lesson students of comedy should learn is that the Comedy Barn didn't get greedy and have the guy in the dress hold the pig; that would have been too much.
6. The Comedy Barn's site does not provide a straight answer of who exactly awarded it "Winner Funniest Show 5 Years in a Row". The pamphlet says it won the award for six years in a row. Why is the pamphlet more up-to-date than the website?
7. The stand-up comics reading this blog will be amused to learn that Comedy Barn cast-member Eric Lambert "has appeared on Showtime and Evening at the Improv."
8. Meet Chester Fried, the cowboy chicken mascot of the Chester Fried chicken chain. The sheriff star indicates that Chester is some sort of chicken Quisling, rounding up the other chickens in exchange for his cowardly life.
And speaking of anthropomorphic restaurant mascots, Barney Barnhill represents the good folks of Barnhill's. Presumably the various delicious food comes from animals that live in him.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:11 PM

An interesting turn of events: The DVD's of Family Guy are so popular that Fox may make more episodes. Article here.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:13 PM

This Tuesday, the X2:X-Men United DVD launch party includes a "X-treme Mutant" costume contest (Details here). When the original X-Men movie came out, a couple of friends and I were joking about going dressed in costumes. I proposed going as the Sub-Mariner. If anyone in line to see the movie said that Namor was not a member of the X-Men, I would point out that he is Marvel's First Mutant.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:07 PM

The Hebrew Hammer, a blaxploitation parody but with Jews, is opening on December 19th. When I first heard of this movie two years ago, it was supposed to be a Ben Stiller-Chris Rock vehicle. Apparently they had other commitments.

This reminds me of a game called "ask for/settle for/get"; for example, the makers of this movie asked for Ben Stiller and Chris Rock, would have settled for David Schwimmer and Bernie Mac, and got Adam Goldberg and Mario Van Peebles.

I'm seeing it anyhoo; just saying is all.

UPDATE: A friend asks if they got Mario Van Peebles because Garret Morris was booked.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:52 PM

My brother corrected my description of Leo Frank as the only Jew lynched in America, noting Andrew Goodman and Michael Schwermer, two of the three civil rights workers murdered in Mississippi in June 1964 (more info here) as well as Yankel Rosenbaum, the Jewish Reginald Denny.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 2:40 PM

Real-life attempts to create tomacco and Skittlebrau.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:30 AM

From the "Bless the Internet" Department: I was watching on the TV "High Diving Hare", the Looney Tune where Yosemite Sam tries to force Bugs Bunny to do a deadly high dive and is constantly tricked into doing it himself. At one point, Bugs has constructed a door on the diving board. Sam bangs on the door screaming "Open the door! Open the door!" He then turns to the audience and sez "You notice I didn't say 'Richard'?"

A Google search found this page which reveals that it's an allusion to a song called "Open the Door, Richard".

UPDATE: The Looney Tunes 4-DVD set has this very cartoon with commentary. The commentary presumably would have explained the joke.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:12 AM

A Wall Street Journal reviewer suggests that the fortune of The Producers is sagging due to it being the last gasp of Borscht Belt-style comedy (not that he thinks it's a bad thing).

And speaking of humor from the past, Sid Caesar has a new book about the days of his various variety shows.

UPDATE: Mark Evanier rebuts.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:51 AM

An LA Times article (registration: cptspaulding/cptspaulding) on how a Georgian town is reacting to a new book about Leo Frank (no relation), the only Jew in America to get lynched.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:42 PM

Part III of the Beanie Baby saga: The lady who bought the Beanies is offering them for sale. Auction here. Also the Florida Sun Sentinel tracked down our drunkensailor friend. They report "He's not divorced. Happily married, in fact. No affairs."

Were this a TV show, it would turn out that his wife was really having an affair. Perhaps with the person who bought the dolls.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:01 AM

In today's Bleat, Lileks reviews Just Imagine, a science fiction movie from 1930 set in 1980 which seems worth watching for this intriguing joke during a "tell-the-guy-from-1930-about-the-future" scene:

Then Mr. 1930 asks where all the cars have gone. No one uses cars anymore, he’s told. Everyone has a plane. "Vut kind uff planes do you haf?" asks Mr. 1930. The boys list off all the hot models: the Finkelstine, the Rabovtiz, the Speigelmen, etc. In other words, all Jewish names.

"Ho boy," says Mr. 1930. "Somebody got even with Henry Ford."

If you don't get the joke, this book will explain it.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:05 AM

An alternate viewpoint to Mark Evanier's anti-Halloween rant (Thanks to Jim Treacher).
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:57 PM

For the record, my second favorite Halloween game is to grab the hand of someone in costume and say "Come on, we're leaving this creepy joint" and after a few seconds of walking, turn around to see whose hand I'm holding and then get scared when I realize it's a monster of some nature.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:54 PM

Mark Evanier writes that he hates Halloween. I like Halloween because I get to play my favorite Halloween game: pretend to be scared of the Halloween decorations. Usually a simple "g-g-g-ahhhh" will suffice or a "M-m-m-m-m-monsters!" Now that I own a gray derby for my Halloween costume, I now have a hat to shake in a Lou Costello manner.

Appropriately enough, the hat was purchased for a Halloween costume as Lou Costello. I thought it was going to be one of those lame costumes you have to explain but at a party last week, people seemed to understand what I was going for. A couple of people thought I was Oliver Hardy which is also a reasonable interpretation (and when a cute gal asks me to do the Oliver Hardy tie fumbling thing, I ain't gonna say no). Hell, Edgar Kennedy would have also been appropriate.

Evanier also notes that he stocks up on Halloween treats even though trick-or-treaters never visit his door. Even though nary a kid has knocked on my door (am I the neighborhood creepy guy and no one had the decency to tell me?), I too buy three or four bags of treats because, let's be honest, if a kid shows up and I don't have candy, something anti-Semitic will get said.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:28 PM

You'll recollect my telling of the man selling Beanie Babies left behind by his ex-wife. The plot thickens as the woman who won the auction (also the woman who had written to the man in his auction update) complains to TraderList that the rare Beanies were indeed fake. TraderList contacts our hero who tells him to go to hell.

This comes to my attention through today's Best of the Web [scroll to the bottom] which also notes that claiming to not know where items came from is a common ploy to sell fake collectibles or fake collectibles mixed with common (less collectible) stuff. If it is a con, it's a con in the classic sense where your greed and hopes of making a sucker of somebody gets you suckered. (If you'd like to read more about cons, The Big Con is an excellent book on the subject.)

My brother also pointed me to the TraderList tale and he points me as well to this ebay auction where our formerly less-than-gay divorcee tells what tools he bought and offers a certificate of appreciation to anyone willing to give him $1.50.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:30 PM

This article on Black Lightning contains more on DC's pre-Black Lightning plans for a black superhero:

I will say that I created Black Lightning after convincing DC not to publish another "black" super-hero on which they had started work. The Black Bomber was a white bigot who, in times of stress, turned into a black super-hero. This was the result of chemical camouflage experiments he'd taken part in as a soldier in Vietnam. The object of these experiments was to allow our [white] troops to blend into the jungle.

In each of the two completed Black Bomber scripts, the white bigot risks his own life to save another person whom he can't see clearly (in one case, a baby in a stroller) and then reacts in racial slur disgust when he discovers that he risked his life to save a black person. He wasn't aware that he had two identities, but each identity had a girlfriend and the ladies were aware of the change. To add final insult, the Bomber's costume was little more than a glorified basketball uniform.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:27 PM

Tony Isabella, creator of Black Lightning, writes a Usenet post about what DC Comics is doing to his character (They gave him an out-of-wedlock daughter and had him kill a guy). Said post contains this fascinating tidbit:

I created Black Lightning because DC couldn't. Their idea of a black super-hero was a white bigot who took part in experiments to help him blend into the jungle better and who turned into a black man in times of stress. I talked them out of publishing that book and created Black Lightning.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:32 PM

Tomorrow's episode of Smallville features Perry White. If he doesn't say "Great Caesar's Ghost", I may stop watching the show.

And none of this "Great Shades of Elvis" crap!
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:25 PM

This passage from the Slate article

The ZAZ players, who had slummed in the kind of films they were now parodying, brought a blessed obliviousness to the stock roles. (A Mike Myers or Adam Sandler would smirk and ruin the whole effect.)

reminds me of a view I have (often expressed to annoy somebody) that in some ways, Craig Kilborn was better than Jon Stewart as anchor of the Daily Show.

Consider the Daily Show as a parody of network news. Kilborn was the perfect pretty-boy, blow-dried anchor (Indeed, he was that anchor, pre-Daily Show), adding a dimension to the jokes coming out of his mouth. And he reads the joke as straight news whereas Stewart will smirk or shrug apologetically or otherwise acknowledge that he is telling jokes.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:23 PM

A Slate article about the work of Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker and why their casting of straight men in comedic roles worked.

The article calls The Naked Gun the "funniest movie they ever made". To me, it was the start of the decline of ZAZ. It featured less deadpan humor and more slapstick. It was less Airplane! and more Pink Panther (arguably literally; after Ghost was a success for Jerry Zucker, a tape started floating around Hollywood showing Naked Gun gags followed by similar gags done by Inspector Clouseau or Maxwell Smart).

Actually, the best representation of ZAZ's work was Police Squad, the far superior television show that the Naked Gun movies were based on. A difference between the two can be seen by how they do the same joke.

Police Squad: Leslie Nielsen, in narration, says he's going to Little Italy to interview a suspect. Visible from a window in the suspect's arpartment is the Coliseum. No one reacts to it; nobody mentions it. Why would they? In the crazy world of ZAZ, Little Italy has a Coliseum.

Naked Gun: Leslie Nielsen is driving and mentions in narration that he's on his way to Little Italy. The Coliseum is in his back window. OJ Simpson, sitting in the back seat, points to the Coliseum, tries to get Nielsen's attention and does about 97 double-takes. The only things missing were a laugh track and a large sign with an arrow reading "JOKE!!!!"

Naked Gun can also be blamed for the bizarre notion that Leslie Nielsen was a comedy star (such as movies like this) as opposed to just good at reading funny lines in a deadpan style

Parenthetically, I'd argue against the author's claim that spoofs disappeared during World War II. They existed but they were less parody style and more of a "make Bob Hope the hero in a [genre] picture" type.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:33 AM

A man sells on ebay a box of Beanie Babies left behind by his ex-wife with high-larious consequences. Auction page here Highlight:

Final Notice and Disclaimer: I know nothing about these stuffed Beanie Babies. I offer no proof of anything. It is a stuffed animal, get over it! I don't think my ex-wife was in the Black Market Beanie Trade..but then again, I didn't know she was having an affair either!

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:15 AM

Thomas Pynchon will be guest-voicing on the Simpsons. Details here.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:16 AM

A NY Times article about network and Neilsen executives puzzling over a huge dropoff this season in viewers, particularly the coveted male youth demographic. It's not until paragraph thirteen that the possibility that the shows are terrible is considered.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:55 PM

For all you Mad, Mad, Mad World fans in LA, it's playing at the Cinerama Dome this weekend with tickets, I believe, still available. It's not the full road show version but will include the police calls that played during intermission.

Said police calls were found by a guy who's trying to rebuild the full road show version. His struggle is detailed here.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:23 PM

This Slate article talks of a popular Japanese character:

Also cute is a giant robot panda character, of which many toys and T-shirts have been made. This is, as you might expect, a giant robot panda, which I guess might do battle with other robots or something. The beauty part is that when you lift the top of the robot panda's head, it reveals a control room, from which the robot panda is operated, and sitting in a chair in the control room, pushing buttons and pulling levers, is a real, non-robot panda—presumably one gifted with superb mechanical skills and a deep understanding of robotics.

The character in question is Panda Z, available for sale here and here is the character's home page. Panda Z is apparently a parody of some show called Mazinger Z.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:51 PM

TVBarn reports that the Hallmark Channel is running M*A*S*H reruns uncut.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 2:39 PM

My brother called to ask me if "Red Apple" cigarettes (featured on a billboard in Kill Bill) were also the cigarettes used in Pulp Fiction. This page on MovieMistakes.com confirms it. However the same page makes this claim:

The sign advertising Butch's fight reads, "Coolidge vs. Wilson" and, beneath, "Clash of the Titans". Coolidge and Wilson were formerly opposing candidates in the U.S. presidential race and the slogan was applied to their contest.

That is untrue as this chronology of Coolidge's life confirms: He become President as Harding's Vice-President (who became President post-Wilson) and ran against John Davis in 1924.

I should submit that to MovieMistakesMistakes.com.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:51 PM

Michael Moore's new book is entitled Dude, Where's My Country?. Gievn the timeliness of this title, I predict we can look forward to Michael Moore telling some cutting-edge Gigli jokes in 2006.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 6:00 PM

This picture from Lileks inspires the question: "What the hell are Polly Begren and Mark Hamill co-starring in?" Here's your answer.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:05 PM

According to my Tivo listings, the episode of Duck Dodgers where he gets a Green Lantern ring will air Saturday of next week.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:26 AM

Heh. From Mickey Kaus, Battle of the lame post-recall cliches:

1. 'Earthquake' -- 91 NEXIS hits in the past week. (Includes 3 hits for '10 on the political Richter scale')
2. 'At the end of the Robert Redford film, The Candidate, ...'-- 29 NEXIS hits
3. 'Now the hard part' -- 9 NEXIS hits

Kaus also gives an excellent analysis about why he voted for the recall and Schwarzenegger (Scroll down to "Why I Voted for Schwarzenegger").
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:41 PM

CYCLE OF VIOLENCE, SHMYCLE OF VIOLENCE: This Jerusalem Post article notes that Operation Desert Shield seems to be working:

In the intifada's grim second year, from October 2001 through September 2002, Palestinians killed 449 Israelis and foreigners present on Israeli soil, including both civilians and soldiers. Yet for the year that ended last week, this figure was down 47 percent, to 240.

On a monthly basis, the comparison is even more dramatic[...][T]wo of the worst months of the past year were months in which military activity was drastically curtailed: June 2003, with 32 deaths, and August 2003, with 29. June was the month of the road map "peace process," during which Israel largely suspended military operations so as not to disrupt the "momentum toward peace." August was the month of the famous Palestinian cease-fire, to which Israel responded by restricting its own military activity. (In fact, the death toll that August was higher than in 22 of the 34 months without a truce!) One could thus reasonably assume that had Israel maintained the military pressure over the summer, the year's death toll would have been even lower.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:19 PM

This bio of Mavis Leno credits her for shutting down the Unocal pipeline in Afghanistan in 1998. Given that the overthrow was about OIIIILLLL and specifically this pipeline, I guess we can infer that if she hadn't succeeded, Afghanistan would never have been invaded.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:17 PM

This LA Weekly article (courtesy of Mark Evanier) complains of the rightward drift of Jay Leno. The problems with this article are:

1. Schwarzenegger's announcing his candidacy on the Tonight Show (a move that surprised Leno not to mention everyone in Schwarzenegger's circle, up to and possibly including Maria Shriver) and a Leno appearance at a post-election rally is not a Leno endorsement by any definition of the phrase.
2. The author points to Leno telling jokes about Clinton as proof of a rightward drift, conveniently ignoring the fact that Letterman just as frequently dips into the Clinton well.
3. The Tonight Show has never been a place of cutting-edge political satire. The reason they used to say that a politician was in trouble if his scandal was fodder for Johnny Carson's monologue wasn't because Carson was a "kingmaker"; it was because Carson was really good at reflecting the national mood. He knew when a topic was safe for jokes and when the folks were sick of that topic. Similarly, if people hated France jokes, Leno would stop telling them.
4. If Leno telling jokes about Schwarzenegger is proof of his support, I wonder what his not telling jokes would have meant? If mediocre jokes are proof of endorsement, then presumably Schwarzenegger was endorsed by Letterman, Kimmel, O'Brien, and Kilborn as well as every mediocre comedian who can do an "Ah-nuld" impression.
5. I honestly do not recollect any pre-9/11 derision of Mavis Leno for championing women's rights in Taliban-controlled Afghanistan. I'm not sure what the point of mentioning Mrs. Leno was besides noting that the White House "claimed the women's issue" (possibly because they, ya know, solved it).

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:37 AM

Westchester County, New York is using Archie Andrews and the gang to help stop teenage drinking (article here). This raises the question: Were Dion and the Belmonts booked?
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:13 PM

The last issue of New X-Men had a huge revelation (which I won't spoil since I know I have at least one reader who reads the trades). This Usenet post goes through past issues and demonstrates that the revelation fits everything we were told since Grant Morrison's run on the title started.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:07 PM

A site all about Bring Back Birdie, the four-performance sequel to Bye, Bye Birdie that starred the late, great Donald O'Connor. And an article by a gentleman who remembers seeing the first preview of the show.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:30 AM

The Time-to-Make-the-Donuts-Guy has a name, dammit! Michael Vale and the character was apparently Fred the Baker.

And this page from Commercial Closet has a QuickTime film of the Fred-in-drag commercial as well as analysis of the ad in context of society's homophobia. Yeah, I rolled my eyes too.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:28 AM

Kenan Thompson of Kenan & Kel is joining SNL according to this article. If nothing else, you may remember him from commercials for the movie Good Burger where he, in a dress, asked "Could you kindly point us in the direction of the little girls' room?" Watch said commercial here.

I falsely remember him saying that line in a silly, high-pitched voice but appear to be mistaken. I may be mixing it up with my memory of that commerical with the Time-to-Make-the-Donuts-Guy in a dress tricking the grocery store clerk into confessing that grocery store donuts have neither the variety nor the freshness of Dunkin Donuts.

And here's the Good Burger fan site.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:15 AM

Author George Plimpton died yesterday...or he's researching for an article about what it's like to be dead.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 7:32 AM

A corn field picture of David Letterman. This can be done by people but circles are impossible and must have been done by aliens.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 7:30 AM

Tonight's episode of Saturday Night Live is "The Best of Chris Kattan". No word yet on what they're going to do for the other one-hour, twenty-five minutes.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 5:39 PM

Do you think that when Adrian Brody was cast as the lead in the movie Dummy that there were complaints on ventriloquist email lists and ventrioloquist Usenet news groups that they cast an actor rather than a real ventriloquist? Or perhaps a dummy would post a complaint and then his ventriloquist would post a follow-up scolding him for being mean to the nice people who are making the movie.

I was disappointed to find out from a friend that a screening of the movie was not filled with people holding puppets.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 5:30 PM

Life imitates the Simpsons as Red Lobster is forced to lower current-quarter earnings estimate due to losing money on an all-the-crab-you-can-eat promotion. Story here (and hat-tip to my brother for sending this to me).
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 5:28 PM

There's a movie starring Bruce Campbell as Elvis and Ossie Davis as JFK and nobody had the decency to tell me?!?!?
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:53 PM

Joe Rogan breaks the omerta surrounding Dennis Leary's stealing from Bill Hicks's act. Page Six article here and audio excerpt from the Stern show here. Hicks's biographer also confirms it here.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:42 PM

I did not leave Anything Else with the level of hostility I felt towards Hollywood Ending, just the level of indifference I felt towards Woody Allen's two movies before Hollywood Ending. There are laughs in places but none that I can actually quote off the top of my head.

One thing that makes Anything Else a great bargain is that you get not one, not two, but three Woody Allens in this movie. You have Woody, of course. You get Jason Biggs as the Woody-esque protagonist. And Danny Devito as Biggs's ineffectual manager does a Broadway Danny Rose impression.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:01 PM

Jim Henson's alma mater dedicates a statue of him with Kermit the Frog. Article with accompanying picture here.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:00 PM

This Newsday article confirms the suspicion that the corner Aaron Sorkin painted The West Wing into was his "screw you" to his successors:

Wells recalled that while on vacation in Hawaii last spring, he watched the show's two-episode finale (the kidnapping of President Bartlet's daughter). In what he described as a "self-pitying moment," Wells wondered to his wife, 'Well, how am I supposed to get out of that?'"

He later had conversations with Sorkin about the plotline, although "he felt I should go off and do what I want to do." Wells even "begged" Sorkin for some guidance on the season's first two episodes, "but he felt it was time for us to do it on our own."

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:00 PM

"Police are currently investigating the death of police detective Leroy 'Encyclopedia' Brown, 49, whose body was discovered in a Dumpster behind the Idaville Public Library Monday." Heh. At one point, I was looking for the obvious joke, didn't see it and gave up and was thus floored when it did appear.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:17 PM

In honor of the recently-departed Gordon Jump, here's a site which has pictures and sound files of the "Dudley gets molested" episode of Diff'rent Strokes.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 2:41 PM

From the For What It's Worth Dept: If you look at the polling data of the "Was Hussein involved in 9/11" poll, the number of people who think Hussein was likely involved has gone down by 9% in the last two years and the number who think he wasn't likely involved has increased by 16%. (Thanks to Justin Katz)

Katz also points out something I noticed when I read the question: What's missing is a category for those who know the evidence doesn't exist but aren't willing to dismiss the possibility entirely.

And speaking of poorly worded questions, the fourth question of the poll asking if Hussein "had already developed weapons of mass destruction" doesn't indicate if it means ever or recently. If it meant ever, one wonders if the 19% not likely (either "very" or "at all") think Hussein gassed the Kurds in 1988 with his mind.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 2:32 PM

Mark Evanier wrote to tie together the origins of my obsession with the Richard De La Font Agency by telling me that Bill Kirchenbauer owns The Legends of Comedy show. He also says that he enjoyed the Legends show.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:57 PM

From the Richard De La Font Agency the folks who book Bill Kirchenbauer comes The Legends of Comedy, a tribute act or as I call it, "my future in ten years."

They also book Joe Piscopo. My friend who pointed the Legends link to me thought it was a Joe Piscopo imitator which, of course, brings up the question "Is Joe Piscopo really that much more expensive to than a Joe Piscopo imitator?"

UPDATE: Further examintaion of the site reveals the Richard De La Font Agency claims to book David Letterman. My suspicion is that they just list anyone who is or was ever a comedian.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:48 PM

I can't decide which comic book cover is better: This one for JLA/Avengers #3 featuring every hero ever on both teams (and considering that Justice League and Avengers membership have been handed out like nickels, that's a lotta heroes) or this one for JLA/Avengers #4 with Superman holding Captain America's shield and Thor's hammer (answering the question "Is Superman worthy to lift Thor's hammer?")
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:49 AM

Howard Dean's Trent Lott line in last Tuesday's debate was given to him during the filming of the HBO show K Street. Details here.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:46 AM

My Harry Morton replacement story is corrected:

Blanche Morton is mad at Harry and is standing in her kitchen holding an iron skillet to hit Harry over the head. She calls him into the kitchen. George off-stage calls out hold it. Blanche freezes in place and George walks on-screen and explains that Fred Clark has left the show to go to NY and from now on Harry Morton will be played by Larry Keating who he brings on and introduces in front of the frozen in place Blanche. He asks Larry if he has ever met his TV wife and calls Bea into the foreground to meet Larry Keating. They exchange pleasantries. Then George says it is time to go on with the scene. He and Keating walk off and the scene resumes and the new Harry Morton walks in and gets hit with the skillet.

That's what happens when you basing a story off a vague memory of reading it in book. I did some heavy web searching and found two or three sources who claimed both actors in the transition episode. Ah well.

I may drop by the Museurm of Television and Radio and see if they have the episode.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:10 PM

On a semi-related note to the post below, comedian Bill Kirchenbauer starred in a sitcom called Just the Ten of Us about a family with eight kids. During contract renewal time, he was demanding a huge pay increase and at one point a producer told him "You know, we can just as easily call the show Just the Nine of Us."
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:08 PM

Mark Evanier discusses the factors that will determine whether John Ritter's show will continue. Evanier left out how the Burns and Allen TV show went through four Harry Mortons, the next-door neighbor. The most famous transition was between Fred Clark and Larry Keating, Mortons number three and four respectively.

George Burns interrupts a scene with Clark. He introduces Keating to the audience and explains that he will now be playing the role of Harry Morton. Clark and Keating shake hands; Clark leaves and Keating continues with the scene.

UPDATE: Mark comments that actors dying are a different problem from actors leaving. Which I knew, I just wanted an excuse to tell that story. Mark also notes that killing off characters is a legitimate creative decision on M*A*S*H*. I agree but it's also a good negotiating tool. Jamie Farr (TV's Klinger) has said that at contract time producers claimed to have scripts at the ready to kill off his character.

UPDATE 2: Story is corrected here.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:35 AM

Snopes sums up what is known of the "controversy" of the late John Ritter flashing in an episode of Three's Company.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:01 PM

In Foreign Policy, Fouad Ajami debunks the idea that America squandered 9-11 goodwill, including the most famous example:

Much has been made of the sympathy that the French expressed for the United States immediately after the September 11 attacks, as embodied by the famous editorial of Le Monde's publisher Jean-Marie Colombani, "Nous Sommes Tous Américains" ("We are all Americans"). And much has been made of the speed with which the United States presumably squandered that sympathy in the months that followed. But even Colombani's column, written on so searing a day, was not the unalloyed message of sympathy suggested by the title. Even on that very day, Colombani wrote of the United States reaping the whirlwind of its "cynicism"; he recycled the hackneyed charge that Osama bin Laden had been created and nurtured by U.S. intelligence agencies.

Colombani quickly retracted what little sympathy he had expressed when, in December of 2001, he was back with an open letter to "our American friends" and soon thereafter with a short book, Tous Américains? le monde après le 11 septembre 2001 (All Americans? The World After September 11, 2001). By now the sympathy had drained, and the tone was one of belligerent judgment and disapproval. There was nothing to admire in Colombani's United States, which had run roughshod in the world and had been indifferent to the rule of law. Colombani described the U.S. republic as a fundamentalist Christian enterprise, its magistrates too deeply attached to the death penalty, its police cruel to its black population. A republic of this sort could not in good conscience undertake a campaign against Islamism. One can't, Colombani writes, battle the Taliban while trying to introduce prayers in one's own schools; one can't strive to reform Saudi Arabia while refusing to teach Darwinism in the schools of the Bible Belt; and one can't denounce the demands of the sharia (Islamic law) while refusing to outlaw the death penalty. Doubtless, he adds, the United States can't do battle with the Taliban before doing battle against the bigotry that ravages the depths of the United States itself. The United States had not squandered Colombani's sympathy; he never had that sympathy in the first place.

In other words "Nous Sommes Tous Américains mais..."
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:46 AM

The tale of Abe Zelamnowitz, a Brooklyn Orthodox Jew who stayed on the 27th floor of the second tower to collapse to provide comfort to a paraplegic friend, even urging the friend's nurse to save herself:

At Mr. Zelmanowitz’s funeral, the story was told that, a few days before the attack, he attended a Sabbath lesson. The rabbi talked about sacrificing oneself for the love of God. Mr. Zelmanowitz asked the rabbi how a simple man, like him, could show his love of God. Apparently, he was not satisfied with the answer, for he asked the same question a few more times. He remained dissatisfied with the answers he received. As the person telling this story commented: "A few days later, he got the reply."

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:10 AM

How bad was this past weekend's box office? The #1 movie, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star made about seven million dollars. To put that number in perspective, if they produced Hooray for Captain Spaulding: The Movie, it would have grossed five million. If the friends and relatives of the people involved with the production of the David Spade movie had gone to see it, it would have made nine million.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:17 PM

One bit of rhetoric I found extremely offensive is the comparison of a President of the U.S. to Hitler, whether done by the left or the right. Jonah Goldberg writes an excellent column on why such a thing is effectively Holocaust denial:

If your son is murdered and I claim that it never happened, I am denying the existence of a crime. But if your son is murdered and I compare that tragedy to losing your car keys, that is a form of denial, too. And this is precisely what the "Bush equals Hitler" crowd is doing.

The Nazis murdered millions of men, women and children. Their victims weren't "collateral damage" in a war, and they were not executed after a long and fair trial. The Nazis sent their victims to gas chambers and ovens in boxcars. Nazi scientists injected dyes into the living eyes of small children to see if they could be made "Aryan." They made soap out of people.

What on earth has George Bush done that deserves such comparisons? [...][W]hen you say he[Bush]'s no different from Hitler, you are also saying that Hitler is no different from George Bush. And that means that Hitler's crimes were no worse than George Bush's "crimes." And whatever you think of what George Bush has done or might do, if you think any of it is the moral equivalent of the Holocaust, you are in effect saying the Holocaust really wasn't that bad.

Read, as they say, the whole thing.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:42 AM

Not only is TCM running Airplane! (uncut, I presume), it is also showing Zero Hour!, the movie whose main plot Airplane! was spoofing.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 2:05 PM

Another might-have-been movie: Walt Disney planned to do a comedy based on former Soviet premier Nikita Kruschev's tantrum that he couldn't go to Disneyland:

It recounts -- in a light, breezy manner -- how the Soviet leader had flown all the way to America to meet with President Eisenhower. But -- in reality -- Nikita had come to the U.S. just because he wanted to go to Disneyland.

So Khrushchev flew into Southern California, all excited that he was finally going to get his chance to visit "The Happiest Place on Earth." Only to discover that -- due to safety concerns -- the State Department had canceled his trip out to Anaheim. Moviegoers were then supposed to see a slightly comic take on the Soviet Premier's infamous tantrum at 20th Century Fox. And then ...

Well, then the film morphs into your typical Walt Disney Productions live action comedy of the 1960s. First Khrushchev is seen moping around his hotel suite in downtown Los Angeles later that evening. Then the Premier realizes that Disneyland is only 30 miles away. More importantly, that the theme park is open 'til midnight that night.

So Nikita decides that he's going to sneak out of his hotel and somehow make his way out to Anaheim. Using a goofy disguise, he gives both his Soviet security detail as well as his State Department handlers the slip. Then Khrushchev somehow makes his way out to Disneyland, with all of his handlers in hot pursuit ... and hilarity ensues.

The full article (which also details what happened in real-life) is here. The link came from another article on the same site detailing Bob Hope's dealings with Walt, including Hope's spurious claim that he incited the Disneyland tantrum by telling Mrs. Kruschev "You should really try to go to Disneyland. It's wonderful."
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:12 AM

I understand that comic strips have a two-three week lead time. But how could any one involved in humor not know that the "A lot of people are running for governor in California! It's crazzzzzy!!!!!" joke would have been played out by now? Garry Trudeau not only didn't foresee that possibility but thought the joke was worth doing not once, not twice, not thrice but four times!
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:00 AM

From the "Brush with Something" Department: I just realized I was a member of the gym where Arnold had his gangbang. Maybe I would have worked out more often if I knew stuff like that was going on.

Meanwhile, Matt Welch has Bill O'Reilly using the Oui story as an opportunity to act like a loon about the Internet again.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:10 PM

The brilliant pilot Lookwell starring Adam West as an Adam West-esque actor who played a seventies TV detective will be airing on Trio this weekend. Details here and schedule here. I talk about the show here.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:57 PM

From the "The Left is now entering Vince Foster-ville" Department: From a Village Voice article complaining about the upcoming Showtime 9/11 docudrama:

Bush's approval rating was hovering around 50 percent on the morning of September 11. Indeed, Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden have done so much for Bush's presidency one might reasonably suspect they're being held in a witness protection program.

Reasonably? Reasonably?
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:49 PM

My objection to Alabama's Ten Commandments display is the same as it's always been to Ten Commandment displays: I want equal time for the other 603 commandments that they leave out.

This page gets more specific on the matter:

For some reason, many people have the impression that there are only ten commandments. Everyone has heard of the "Ten Commandments," or at least they've heard of the movie.

I'll tell you a secret. There's no such thing!

Nowhere in the Torah is the phrase "ten commandments" used at all. When referring to these ten, the Torah always calls them the Aseres Had'vorim, the "Ten Statements," or the "Ten Words." In Aramaic, that comes out as "Aseres Hadibros," which is what we usually call them. It means the same thing: the "Ten Statements."

The Hebrew words for "Ten Commandments" would be "Aseres Hamitzvos." But no such term exists anywhere in the Torah or in Rabbinical Writings. Anywhere.

However, in Exodus 34:28, the King James' Bible uses the term "ten commandments" to translate the phrase, which is absolutely incorrect.

The original Hebrew, however, doesn't say that. The Hebrew says "Ten Statements." The same is true in Deuteronomy 4:13 and 10:14.

So get this: Millions of people in the world are confused because of a poor translation in the King James' Bible. They all think that when the Torah refers to "doing Hashem's Commandments," the Torah is referring to those Ten Statements that Hashem spoke at Mount Sinai, and no more! And the truth is, they're wrong!

To be sure, the Ten Statements are also commandments. They are ten of the 613 Commandments of the Torah.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:53 PM

I want a "Dave Grayvis for Governor" poster!
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:48 AM

Tom Green's personal ad. (Story here.) He wouldn't answer a question about whether he attends religious services but I know of one religious service he didn't attend.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:16 PM

At a bookstore Saturday, I happened to notice that the spine of the Gene Simmons book Kiss and Make-Up has one-fifth of a picture of Mr. Simmons. My friend and I speculated whether KISS fans were dopey enough to buy five copies of the book to get a complete picture. (Leaving aside the fact that the title was the same as a Paul Lynde punch line when KISS was on his Halloween Special.)
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 2:00 PM

A story about a scientific study of astrology. The study took 2000 people born in early March 1958, most within minutes of each other, and compared 100 characteristics. No similarities were found. The study also reviewed studies where astrologers had to match birth charts to a given personality profile and found the results about the same as random guessing.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 8:14 AM

When I saw the trailer for Anything Else, Woody Allen's latest movie, something seemed off and I couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't Woody's absence from it; he's had others play the lead before. I finally realize what it was; the trailer features a song that was written in the last forty years.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:27 PM

A friend pointed me to an ad from Craig's List whose headline says it all: Actor Needed to be my Boyfriend for TWO Weeks!. Yes, a young lady, to get her parents off her back, told them that she'd be bringing the boyfriend over for a family visit. The only problem is she doesn't have a boyfriend! She offers to pay all expenses and something extra. The ad ends with essentially "P.S. I am not a crackpot."

I see Kate Hudson as the woman, Ben Stiller or a Wilson brother as the actor, Jerry Stiller and Mary Tyler Moore as the woman's parents and Eugene Levy as the actor's favorite uncle who needs some nature of expensive medical treatment (hence his being part of the deception). There will be a montage of wacky people applying for the gig (I'm thinking a cowboy, Tony Randall, a burly Russian guy (with fur hat), the butler from Joe Millionaire, a fat guy, a gay guy, a rude New Yorker, a guy with a mohawk, Tony Randall again but with a fake handlebar moustache). The idea will be so crazy that it just might work. And, of course, someone will be standing in the rain shouting that falling in love wasn't part of the deal.

The sad part is that this is actually the best gig in the tv/film/video/radio jobs section or at least the only one that seems to guarantee payment.

I'm tempted to reply just so I can ask "Is falling in love part of the deal? I don't want to be saying it wasn't part of the deal and then finding out that it's covered in the fine print. I'm not saying I'd turn it down if it were part of the deal. I just want to know where I stand."

UPDATE: Craig's List has since removed the ad.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:20 PM

A review of the Smoking Gun TV special on next week:

I'm attacking it a week early, though, because its particular type of awfulness deserves attention — and advance warning...[Court TV's] taken a concept that was close to perfect to begin with, and dumbed it down into something idiotic and unwatchable.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:11 PM

SCTV is coming to DVD, according to this article (link courtesy of Mark Evanier). Eugene Levy states that obtaining music rights is why it took so long which confirms what Joe Flaherty once told me a couple of years ago when a friend and I asked him when SCTV would be released on video.

Actually, the music licensing may also be the other reason why they're starting with the NBC 90-minute shows. According to Flaherty, when the show started , they didn't concern themselves about music clearance. If they were doing a Towering Inferno parody, they'd just use the theme to Towering Inferno. They were a dinky little Canadian show and nobody noticed. It was only now that it was causing trouble.

Flaherty also noted that back when NBC was rerunning SCTV at 1:35 AM, he'd wonder why they chose the episodes they did to broadcast. He figured out that music rights was the main deciding factor.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:03 PM

An LA Times article about the launch of a new humor magazine in Los Angeles LA Innuendo. I'm liking what I'm reading so far even if having the articles in RTF format is annoying. Here's my favorite part from an article by comedian Paul F. Thompkins comparing LA to other towns:

Stop telling me how “cool” Austin is. I finally went there this year, if only to make people stop telling me that I had to go to Austin. Well, I was not impressed. The music scene! So many places to see bands! So like any other largish city in America! I can go to several clubs in Los Angeles and see professional musicians play music I like.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:11 PM

Another reader provides an explanation for the lousy selection of movies for the AMC and TCM Hope tributes: Vivendi/Universal owns the Paramount Hope movies (most, if not all, of his best work). They've recently placed a moratorium on TV licenses of their library because of their current auction of their assets.

Vivendi wanted to move as much existing Universal home video stock as possible... increase cash, decrease inventory... and make the balance sheet look better. Universal had too many Hope tapes in stock and distributor consignments from their late '90s releases (which did not sell well).

So, Universal did a 100th Birthday home video marketing push a few months ago. The studio did not renew TV and cable film leases, hoping to steer consumer interest in the 100th hoopla toward tape and DVD purchases, and comply with Vivendi directives to shrink inventory.

Then Hope died and all that was available for AMC and TCM was public domain, MGM, and other non-Paramount Hope movies.

To my mind, this is slightly short-sighted on Universal's part. A person wondering what the hoopla's about may have wanted to sample Hope's work on TV and would have not gotten the best examples. This person's resulting low opinion means he's less likely to buy a Hope DVD set. But what the hell do I know?
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:07 PM

Reader Jim Woster points to a famous/infamous episode of The Tonight Show from 1969 (featuring drop-ins by Hope and Dean Martin) as evidence of Hope's wit (and his (Woster's) moment of realization that Hope was funny).

This episode is available on Carson's site on DVD and video. I may have to buy it for myself as a birthday present.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:24 AM

While defending Hope, Wilfrid Sheed suggests essentially that Hope couldn't go to the bathroom without taking three writers. While Hope's reputation as an ad-libber was exaggerated and perhaps writer-aided, I have to think it was partially justified because of the story of how Groucho got the gig as game show host. The story is that he ad-libbed a line while doing a radio sketch with Hope which resulted in an ad-lib free-for-all that had to be mostly censored. The future producer of You Bet Your Life approached Groucho and suggested that they do a show which used his ad-lib talents. The thing is though that the story usually notes that Bob Hope was able to keep up with Groucho.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:14 AM

The anti-Hope backlash begins in this column by Christopher Hitchens, the man who debunked Mother Theresa (To be clear, that's not meant as an insult. The book is highly recommeded).

Hitchens's comments are based on the elder Hope. While perhaps justified, I would note that his criticisms could apply to any of his counter-examples in their elder years. Woody Allen hasn't made a good movie in years. Mort Sahl became obsessed and unfunny after JFK's assasination (possibly his comedy has improved since). John Cleese is well-paid to appear in terrible movies (He seems as sharp as ever but any quotes of funny Cleese lines are going to be from Python or Fawlty Towers). Milton Berle was arguably as funny in his old age as he was in his youth but one could also argue that if you do primarily hoaky jokes and slapstick (albeit very funny), it's not hard maintaining that level. Certainly there were those who didn't think elder Berle was funny; see how SNL treated him.

The fact of the matter is also that Hope influenced Hitchens's counter-examples. Lenny Bruce and Mort Sahl had careers because Hope was the first comedian to just come out and tell jokes about topics of the day. Before Hope, a joke teller would often have to juggle or carry a violin or something to justify his standing on stage. And Woody Allen's original screen persona is a direct (and acknowledged by Allen) lift of Hope's cowardly, wisecracking shnook (as I noted before).

And to answer Hitchens's challenge, here are two funny jokes that can be attributed to Hope:

1. Welcome to Oscar night or, as we call it in my house, Passover.
2. In They Got Me Covered, Hope narrowly avoids getting fired as a reporter. When he offers to shake on whatever deal allows him to keep his job, he spills a bottle of ink. The editor fumes and screams. Hope, cleaning up the mess and making it worse, says "Sorry, I didn't know you used the wet kind."

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:40 AM

"Billionaire Bill" Sherman suggests in the comments to a post where he also complains about the weak movies chosen for Bob Hope tributes that the problem was the last minute schedule change. I would argue (hoping not to sound callous) that this should work like obituaries do. TCM should have prepared a list of movies for any actor/actress/director/whatever over seventy that's going to get an immediate tribute, updated to reflect any movie rights that are lost. It certainly should have been in the works when Hope turned 100. I mean, come on, Road to Hong Kong?

My friend "Rocking Robin" Jones points out that last-minute tribute specials that ran on our local PBS showed more Hope humor in the hour or two than the entire day of Hope movies.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:27 PM

For some reason AMC and TCM are running mostly weak movies for their Bob Hope tributes. This is an odd decision as TCM has run better Hope movies before so I presume they hold the TV rights to it. If neither does, I can't believe they couldn't set up a deal to plug the DVD sets.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:19 PM

According to this article, Bob Hope is buried in the same burial ground as Jerry Colonna. What can one say but "Exciting, isn't it?"
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:14 PM

I also took Ma to see The Producers (the raison d'etre for the trip) which has gotten even better than the last time I saw it (my-then review here). Jason Alexander has grown in the role. In May, he was frequently doing a Phil Silvers impression; he has thankfully stopped doing that. Martin Short is still Martin Short but the Ed-Grimbley-isms have decreased. Any other Martin Short business he throws in is reasonable since he's playing a nervous, excitable guy and that's how he plays one. Definitely worth the dough-re-mi.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:08 PM

My mother was in town so I took her to Universal Studios. A new feature of the tour is the inclusion of video screens so that when they tell you a backlot was used in Sparticus we can see proof of that. To me, the best part of the tour was getting official confirmation that a generic cityscape was used in Bruce Almighty which confirmed the jokes my friend and I cracked while watching that picture.

I contimplated at one point that I should have tried a few years back to get a job as a Universal Studios tour guide. But I realize that I'd get fired for, every time the bus passes actual filming, doing the old Looney Tunes gag of "Quiet on the set. Quiet on the set. QUIIIIIIEEEEEEETTTTTTT!!!!!"

While a good time was had, one realizes why Universal constantly has to offer two-for-one deals. The park is wildly inefficient which is inexcusable considering Disneyland had been around for thirty years when Universal expanded from just a tour to a theme park. For example, they have a nice Lucille Ball exhibit but I had to hunt to find a semi-nearby store with I Love Lucy merchandise. Disney would, of course, have dropped us off in a Lucy store at the end of the exhibit. If they can't figure out how to get money out of people, how's the management of the rest of the park?

I do have to admit that the lady dressed as Lucy Ricardo who was hectoring us in line while we waited to buy tickets did a good imitation.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:12 PM

Stately Wayne Manor is up for sale for a measly 8 million dollars. Listed features do not appear to include "secret underground lair accessible via firepoles and servants elevator". As I do not know the ettiquette of house-buying I wonder if it's reasonable to ask that they include the firepoles' automatic costume-changer.

UPDATE: The LA Times has placed a correction in the article that the house is not the home of millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward Dick Grayson but merely looks like their house. Good thing I didn't plop down 8 mil on that shack.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:27 AM

I saw A Guide for the Married Man last night, a decent mid-sixties comedy where Robert Morse teachs Walter Matthau how to get away with committing adultery, illustrated with skits starring your favorite comedy stars. A few notes:

1. Having Matthau be the naif and Morse be his Virgil or his Professor Higgins was the exact opposite of the casting I expected when I heard this move's plot and cast. Surprisingly, it works. Trading typecasts like that doesn't always work (see Neighbors) (or better yet, don't see Neighbors)
2. This sex romp was directed by Gene Kelly of all people.
3. There comes a saturation point where a movie just has too damn many hot chicks. Even a young lady who was clearly supposed to be unattractive was sexy in a "Good Lord, without your glasses, you're beautiful" sort of way.
4. If AMC is going to have commercial breaks, they really need to learn how to choose good places for interruptions.
5. In keeping with the Lileks "Everything is Connected to Star Trek" theory, this films features Captain Pike and Majel Barret.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:39 AM

Speaking of Jerry Van Dyke, his character of Rob Petry's kid brother Stacey will be in the Dick Van Dyke show reunion that Carl Reiner has just finished writing.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:38 AM

Joel Stein (whose cancelled EW backpage column was celebrated in Slate) is taking over the Trio network. His choice of shows are My Mother, the Car, Battle of the Network Stars, and Pink Lady and Jeff. The last show, of course, means royalty checks for Mark Evanier! And that I need to get around to writing my review of the DVD boxed set.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:05 PM

I saw Chitty Chitty Bang Bang a couple of days ago. The interesting part was an until-now unaired scene where Caractacus Potts is condemned by the UN and various NGOs for unilaterally overthrowing the government of Vulgaria and for the looting that went on afterwards. Plus the various conspiracy theories on Indymedia that the only reason Potts defeated the king was so the Scrumptious Candy Company would get the lucrative candy contract for the newly freed children and accusations that Potts lied about the extant of Vulgaria's flying car program.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 2:57 PM

My brother, knowing my obsession with Robert Evans, sent me this article about the press conference for his new show. It turns out the blogosphere's own Cathy Siepp asked the question about whether the cartoon was done so he'd look younger (Details here).
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 4:16 PM

Oz Fact I Learned Today: Why does Dorothy when saying her good-byes say to the scraecrow that she'll miss him most of all? Why is she playing favorites? Apparently it's a holdover from a cut subplot establishing a romance between Dorothy and Hunk (the Kansas Scarecrow-analogue). (From Memories of Oz broadcast on TCM today.)

Speaking of cut Ray Bolger Oz footage, here is a sequence of the Scarecrow dance cut for time. Notice the song lyric "Perhaps then I'll deserve ya/And even be worthy orv ya" which lends support to the above hypothesis.


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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:36 PM

I don't know what overlawyered would think of this but...Activision is suing Viacom. Activison says its video game license for Star Trek is devalued because Star Trek currently sucks (Well, they coach it in a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo). Article here.

UPDATE: Here's what a lawyer friend had to say about the suit:

Activision signed a license with Viacom where they paid $20 million up front for rights to produce Star Trek games over ten years. None of the press coverage goes into the right detail, which is whether the license agreement requires Viacom to use "best efforts" to market Star Trek or just "commercially reasonable efforts." If the contractual language is "best efforts", then Activision probably has a case. That might seem like a "wacky lawsuit," but the critical difference is that it's an expression of freedom of contract: Viacom chose to bind itself to a particular standard of business conduct in exchange for money. Activision, having paid the money, is entitled to enforce the promise.It's really a dispute over money, rather than over "Star Trek." This is a vast oversimplification of what other issues might be involved, but I'm not prepared to say which party is in the right or wrong without looking at the contract.

I honestly didn't think it was a wacky lawsuit. I would argue that it's a dispute over money and Star Trek. Activision thinks Viacom is doing a lousy job with Star Trek and thus wants (and may be legally entitled to have) their license fee reduced. Of course Viacom's defintion of a lousy job may be that there aren't 2-3 new shows on the air.

This whole thing could have been avoided by doing a Captain Sulu show.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:21 PM

Larry King has co-written a mystery (and he reads the audio version too!). Here is an excerpt from Larry King's mystery:

Sherlock Holmes, now there was a detective!...Maybe we shouldn't dismiss the possibility of the butler being guilty. I know "the butler did it" is a cliche but things become cliche because they're true...This case is tough to figure out. What's not tough to figure out is the neverending appeal of Mr. Frank Sinatra...I've got a mystery for you: What happens to all my missing socks? We oughta call Charlie Chan in on that one!...

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:08 PM

Roger Ebert's obituary of Buddy Hackett tells this story:

Hackett said he once thought he was on the edge of a great movie role. Martin Scorsese called him up and said he wanted to come over and talk to him about working in "GoodFellas."

"He comes over to the house," Buddy says, "and he tells me the scene. Ray Liotta is walking into the nightclub and the waiters seat him, and I'm onstage doing my act. So I ask, what do you want me to say? Where's the script? And Scorsese says there isn't any script. I'll just be in the background telling part of a joke. PART of a joke?"

Hackett's face grew dark.

"I stood up and walked over to the window. I invited Scorsese to stand next to me. 'Isn't that a beautiful lawn?' I said. He agreed that it was one of the most beautiful lawns he had ever seen.

" 'Take a real good look,' I told him, 'because you will never be back in this house again. Part of a joke! Get the f--- outta here!' "

The interesting thing is that Henny Youngman took that part and, thanks to his joketelling style, managed to fit ten jokes in that one minute role.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:26 AM

From the "What the hell?" department: In the Salon review of T3:

At this pace, the star will be 75 when "T5" comes out. But hell, why not? If Clint Eastwood can play action roles well past even the Republicans' idea of retirement age, surely Arnold can follow suit.) [emphasis added]

Did I miss some massive Republican conspiracy to raise the retirement age and ship off the elderly to work on oil pipelines or something? The last change to retirement age (at least Social Security-wise) was in 1983 and appears to have had bipartisan support.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:26 AM

An interesting item in this obituary for Buddy Hackett is that he was asked to replace Curly after he suffered a stroke in 1946. This is the first I'd heard of this. This page of a website plugging a Stooge book seems to confirm this although it places the offer in 1952:

Then, in 1952, Curly's health takes a decided turn for the worse, and the Stooges come to grips with the fact that their beloved star is dying. More than ever, Shemp wants out of the Three Stooges. After seeing what has happened to his baby brother, Shemp realizes that the same fate awaits him if he keeps taking hits on the head. In an effort to appease Shemp, comedian Buddy Hackett is asked to take Curly's place. Hackett agrees to the idea, until he drops by a Stooges rehearsal and witnesses the boys hitting each other with pipes, wrenches and other pain-inducing tools. Hackett backs out of the deal, and Moe breaks it to Shemp that the elder Howard is going to have to remain a Stooge a little while longer, as no suitable replacement is forthcoming.

Although the book's self-description suggests that stuff in it should be taken with a grain of salt, it seems more likely to me that Moe would want Shemp before bringing in other folk in to the group.

Buddy Hackett's website and his album
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:05 AM

Tonight the Romance Channel is running the Jerry Lewis movie Three on a Couch. This movie is the only film I can think of which I stopped watching because I could not buy into its comedic premise (to be distinguished from films like Boat Trip which I stopped watching because they weren't funny). The premise was simple: Jerry had an opportunity to move to Paris and wanted to take his fiancee with him. The fiancee refused as she was a psychologist who did not wish to abandon three of her patients. Jerry's pal suggests that what these three lady patients need to help them is a man; specifically they need Jerry to disguise himself as three men to help them gain back their confidence. Jerry scolds his friend for being dishonest and having no regard for the mental health of these three women. No, wait, he thinks it's a great idea. He does not actually say the idea is so crazy that it just might work but he might as well.

What is especially odd is that the friend (who is not particularly wacky) has the nutty idea. Now perhaps the friend suggested the idea because he knew it would get Jerry in trouble and he wanted to get into the pants of the fiancee. As the girlfirend was played by Janet Leigh, who could blame him? If that was his motivation, it was not very well established in the first half-hour of the picture.

The excellent Jerry Lewis biography King of Comedy by Shawn Levy notes that this film was one of Jerry's first attempts to do a more mature comedy. And this may have been the very problem. Jerry is not playing "The Kid" and does not act wacky unless disguised as one of the three boyfriends (or a boyfriend's twin sister). There are thus long stretchs of non-comedic behavior which perhaps made the flimsy premise stand out.

Levy also notes that the film is "more mindful...of its narrative obligations" which is perhaps my other problem: Such an idiotic premise is taken much more seriously by the film than it deserves.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:40 PM

A clip I saw of the new Charlie's Angels picture has Demi Moore's character winning the Nobel Prize (This review confirms I didn't hallucinate it). The Nobel folk need to figure out a way to protect their trademark as too many fictional characters are being shown to be super-geniuses via the Nobel.

You ever notice that nobody in fiction is a Boy Scout or a Girl Scout? They're always Campfire Troops or Junior Woodchucks or whatever. The same principle could apply to the Nobel (assuming it's not too late to claim that protection which it probably is).
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:31 AM

This weekend, TCM is doing a tribute to special-effects genius Ray Harryhausen. You punk kids with your crazy computerized Hulk and your damn music should check out some real special effects wizadry.

Also this weekend, the Biography Channel is running Cult TV stars. Highlights include Jonathan Winters and Paul Lynde. Check your local listings as the Biography Channel's website does not include a friggin' schedule.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:20 AM

From the Get Your Pictures For a Thousand Words Dept: A picture of the plaintiffs in this ABC story of the Lawrence v. Texas case explains why their neighbor called the cops on them and why the cops bothered to arrest them for breaking this rarely-enforced law. (via DenBeste)
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:05 PM

Speaking of funny-book movies, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is finally, like I've been saying for months, clearly advertising that the film is a team-up of Captain Nemo, Jekyll & Hyde, and others.

The fact that less than a month before the film's release date, the film is still unrated is not a good sign. Probably due to the other bad sign, a rumor that Sean Connery has taken over editing of the film. Sounds like this film will be "The Adventures of Alan Quatermain and Some Other Dudes!". I realize the film wouldn't have been made if not for Sean Connery's being in it but maybe that would have been a blessing.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:55 PM

On the way to going to see The Hulk today, I decided to stop at Nordstrom's, as they were having their twice-yearly men's sale. It's a good thing I was able to make it to the theater on time. If I had missed seeing the Hulk due to going clothes shopping, my geek license would have been revoked.

I liked The Hulk. It takes far, far too much time in a pointless attempt to give the Hulk a more "realistic" scientific grounding (It wasn't just gamma radiation that created the Hulk but gamma radiation, genetic experimentation by Banner's father, and superdupermicromedicananoids). However the Hulk scenes look great; Hulk jumping across the desert and smashing tanks looks exactly the way the Good Lord and Jack Kirby intended.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 10:03 AM

Speaking of which, people have asked me more than once about my thoughts of AFI's Top 100 funniest comedies. Consider this, second place was Tootsie and first place was Some Like It Hot. This makes perfect sense. After all, what is funnier than a guy in a dress? Two guys in dresses.

By pure mathematical reason, Sorority Boys is the funniest movie in the history of cinema.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:53 AM

There's a lady at the day job who describes everything as "the funniest thing ever." Everything, the picture of the kitty with the "lion cut", whatever. By my calculations, Duck Soup is now the 5,412th funniest thing ever.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:59 AM

Page 6 reports how Robert Evans met his sixth, soon-to-be-ex-wife:

I asked her to have a drink one day and she burst out laughing. "My last two boyfriends together don't add up to your age," she said to me. So I grabbed her arm and said, "But did any one of them give you magic?"

More Evans nutsiness here and here.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:39 AM

Speaking of I, Spy parodies, I saw an I, Spy episode recently where Russian (or vaguely Eastern European) agents train to impersonate Kelly Robinson and Alexander Scott. A very funny self-parody of the show (and/or possibly of the actors since supposedly much of the back-and-forth was ad-libbed). Featured in this DVD
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:32 AM

Reader Robin Jones notes two other impersonations in Get Smart: a Casablanca parody (#9 in this site's top ten favorite Get Smart episodes) featuring, again, a Bogart impression plus "Die Spy", a classic episode where Get Smart goofed on I Spy. In that epsiode, Max goes undercover as a world-travelling ping-pong champion with an African American trainer; any time he talks to the trainer, they go into a jazzy cadence a la Cosby and Culp.

Robin Jones runs the Fake Radio show every month here in LA. Sunday, June 15th at 8:00 pm is a Jack Webb double-feature where I will be reprising the role of Sheldon Leonard. I was waiting for the web site to have my name on it or at least this month's show but I guess that's a fool's game
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:48 PM

Ken Layne is wondering why a newspaper is explaining what a prairie dog is. Newspapers often assume little knowledge. I recollect a "lighter side of the news" article back in 1991 about how since President Bush had waited until the last minute to decide to participate in an environmental summit, many of his staffers had to stay in hotels that charged hourly rates. The article then proceeded to explain why someone would only want a hotel room for an hour.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:44 PM

For what it's worth (and perhaps as a harbinger for Jayson Blair), I saw Stephen Glass's The Fabulist with a 50% OFF sticker at a Waldenbooks.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 11:32 PM

The website of J. J. Bittenbinder, the real life basis of Mr. Show's F.F. Woodycocks ("Shake the crime stick") who can be seen on the righthand corner of Bob and David's site (Hit Refresh until it is).

Now...who wants ice cream?
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:18 PM

In case, the meaning of the Don Adams reference was unclear, Adams was impersonating William Powell when he did Maxwell Smart's voice. This is why there was more than one episode where Max would gather suspects of a murder into a drawing room and force a confession from the murderer (a la the Thin Man series, the precursor to the wisecracking male-female detective teams).

Don also did, on the show, a Ronald Coleman impression when he portrayed the King of Caronia and Humphrey Bogart when Max went undercover in a Treasure of the Sierra Madre parody.

Here's a site which lists every record, TV show and commercial done by Don Adams.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:08 PM

I was watching Rendezvous, a serviceable 1935 William Powell movie where he's a cryptographer who breaks up a ring of WWI spies. In it was the absolute worst ADR I've ever seen. William Powell is talking and suddenly it's not his voice and is as far from being his voice as is possible without being redubbed by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I'm curious what Powell was doing that they couldn't get him to re-record the dialogue. Hell, get Don Adams to record it!

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 2:58 PM

LACMA (The Los Angeles County Museum of Art) is running great, old Bob Hope movies for the next three weekends. The schedule is here and an LA Times article on the festival here. I noted the similarities between Woody Allen's screen persona and Bob Hope's here.

To my shame, I realized that if I go to any of these show, that will be my second time at the museum. The first was for a retrospective of Frank Tashlin-directed cartoons.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 3:18 PM

McDonalds is suing an Italian critic for insulting their food (article here). Said critic is part of the slow-food movement. After having tried to buy food at a McDonalds recently, I would argue that McDonalds is joining the slow-food movement as well.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 9:15 AM

Bob Dole's rejected proposal for yesterday's Dole-Clinton point-counterpoint (from the Washington Post):

Mr. President, tonight I'd like to talk about the danger of unemployment . . . for me and you! CBS is considering pulling the plug. And, I'll tell ya, no matter how big the Bush tax cut, I need the work. With your legal bills, I know you can use the cash, too.
Every week, hearing how everything was just swell when you left office, the critics say the show's dull. I admit debating the V-Chip makes me long for a good old Senate filibuster.
Look, this is a crisis. I know, before when you had a crisis, you just bombed Saddam Hussein or let Newt Gingrich get near a reporter. But they're both retired. What are we going to do? How about this: Use the next 45 seconds to do something totally new. Admit you made even one mistake in office. If you have time left over, just plug Hillary's book.

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Posted by Daniel Frank at 1:01 PM

An interesting note on how "walk this way" joke is used in Young Frankenstein. Normally the way the joke is performed is the straight man says "Walk this way" and the comedian imitates his walk (or says "If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder."). The one saying "Walk this way" means it in the usual sense.

The twist in Young Frankenstein is Marty Feldman says "Walk this way". After walking, he then hands Gene Wilder his cane and pantomimes how to walk like him. In this case, the joke is that the person saying "walk this way" meant it in the literal sense rather than the person he's saying it to interpreting it in the literal sense.

Well, I thought it was interesting.
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Posted by Daniel Frank at 12:51 PM

This LA Times review of the LA production of the The Producers reminds me that I've been remiss and have not posted my reviews of the show. I liked it a lot. First, the material is strong enough that it can withstand the weakest performances. The production numbers were great (They even managed to replicate the Busby Berkley-esque dancers dancing in the shape of a swastika). The "Springtime for Hitler"number is expanded to be even better than ever (helped by the decision to make the gay director Hitler rather than a hippie). Jason Alexander gives a good performance. Martin Short at his best reminds one of Gene Wilder's manic energy, at his worst throws in various Martin-Short-Ed-Grimbley-esque business that I'm reasonably sure wasn't in the script. The greatest thing on Broadway ever, no but it is a great time at the theater.

The review accuses the show of stealing the "walk this way" joke from Young Frankenstein. That statement is not only ignorant of the fact that, as Max Power says, "that joke is older than Mel Brooks" (I'll go one better; it's as old as the expression itself) but the fact that that joke was used six years earlier in the original Producers movie!

And it's used in practically all his movies since. He even says in the director's commentary of Young Frankenstein "I use that dopey joke in all my movies."
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